If you've ever caught the veterinary bug long enough to put in a stint at a veterinary hospital, you'll feel for this guest poster. This veterinarian, a colleague from New Jersey, hoped I'd post this for her in honor of National Pet Dental Health Month (February). Given her passion (never mind the imagery), how could I resist?

Dear Pet Owner:

Why am I still here, going into a third hour, hunched over your anesthetized dog? ...

I’d call them “fancy mutts” if it weren't for the fact that the m-word tends to talk down mixed breeds. But that’s effectively what “hybrid” typically refers to in the context of canine genetics: a mix of two distinct, well-established breeds of dogs ostensibly selected with the notion that two breeds are better than one.

It's baaaak! No, it's not the newest Poltergeist iteration (thank God). This time it's the Fairness to Pet Owners Act.

Proposed back in 2011 and ultimately tabled, this federal law would've required that all veterinarians offer their clients written prescriptions for any and all drugs they might choose to dispense to your pet -- regardless of whether you, their owner, asked for one or not.

I’ve spent more Valentine’s Days single than I once cared to confess to. Which is probably why the concept of pets as superior to people appeals so utterly.

Is it wholly fair? OK, so the pet to paramour comparison is not always apt. It does, nonetheless, make for excellent therapy when one is in need of such pithy attacks on romance and all its institutions ... with Hallmark-hawking Valentine’s Day foremost among these.